First and foremost, i would like to wish all of you a blessing new year, Hope you have a wonderful 2010 ahead.
its been ages since i updated my blog (i know) and a lot of things have happened to me which i am not certainly happy about it.
Insecureness can lead to seperation, trust me. why would you want to have a relationship when you yourself knows that you don't trust him. Also, how do you feel when you find out that your love one don't trust you.
It irritates me alot when my love one just jump to conclusion and accuse, and their main reason is just that they are being precautious. Why do you need to be precaution when you trust in your partner. I don't mind if its once a while... but everytime? i think tat is just too much. Ever heard the phrase where when a mother say no to the child, the child will indeed do it. its human reflex. The more you forbid ONE from doing thing, the more they WILL do those things you forbid them. and if you are being insecure, your love one might be afraid to be truthful to you cause everytime they want to do things that they like, you would obviously reject it, hence they have to come up with a lie just so that they can do the things that they likes. and then you will come around and says that your love one betray your trust. But in the first place, have you been easy on him.... or are you just preasurise him and expect him to do only YOUR WAY.
My relationship now is like a fishing line stretching to the maximum point of stretch, where at any moment, when a great force strike, it will just snap. and when it snap, its too late.
you can say "yala yala i will change ok" but everyone knows that it is easier to be said than done. As i mentioned earlier on, the more you feel insecure towards me, the more my love for you drift away. Its your call...
I have enuff of my dad controling me, and i dun wish to have anyone else to control me. i need you to take care of me, and accept me for who i am....
I have been feeling stress, confuse and depress lately. i really wanted to tell you that i dun like the way you treated me but i just go no guts to tell you.
Please do something about it. before its too late.
by AyiE | 7:28 AM in | comments (1)
by AyiE | 1:55 AM in | comments (0)
Life is pretty boring dont you tink so... its like a tape recorder... it plays and rewind... play and rewind... im literally sick or life... haiz...Saturday december 5, 2009. tats today. exactly 8 mre days and we're 1year old.. but y are we still behaving like kids? i wonder.
im so freaking stress right nw and my mood aint in the right mode... i need my personal space. i need it to breathe....
Its easy for one to apologize... but its nt easy for me to just forgive and forget.... im trying.. i am... really....
anyway my plan for yesterday was sooooo mendak... haiz.. meet the usual ppl! zul, yan, fir and jat... lepaking with my yew tee bros. and dang i left my phone with zul!
i bet "he" might be calling and smsing and assuming things... haiz. another day of fight is my prediction.... cause i knw he gonna accuse me here and there even though i told him i need my own time.....
signing off
ayie
Hmm well this is my outfit for halloween... Kuda Kepang remix, Javanese ghost... with and without the mask
Puppy love will last average around 3-5 months. 3 months is what i will call the ‘honeymoon’ period. That’s where true colors wont surface yet. That’s exactly the time when you will tend to only see the good things about your partner. Bad sides of your partner rarely surfaces and is carefully hide. Not until the ‘honeymoon’ period ends.
After the ‘honeymoon’ period, all the bad(hopefully not as bad) will start to surface. You will then notice all the negative side of your partner. Be it attitude, habits, or etiquette or anything else. From this on, the way you talk to each other(used to be very romantic and changed to not as romantic etc), the number of times you meet each other, the attitude towards each other and the list goes on.
Maintaining your relationship is very important if you love your partner and don’t want to lose him/her. But as the saying goes, ‘it takes two to clap’. Meaning to say that, both of you have to actually put in effort to maintain your relationship. Arguments are common in any relationship(Tell me if you can find me any couple that has been together for years and has never argued). So the both of you, hopefully the both of you are reading this, have to bear in mind that even if there are any arguments don’t ever ask for a break up.
Learn to cool down. Think about the argument. Sit down and discuss with each other. If you don’t like what your partner did(he/she went out with another person etc), express how you feel about it. Tell your partner why you don’t like and give all the reasons. And as for the partner, learn to listen first and reply later. Don’t react on impulse. Digest first and think about it.
Tell your partner of all the beautiful things that you like about him/her. And then tell him/her what you don’t really like with reasons to why is that so. Ask your partner about what he/she does and doesn’t like about you so that the both of you can change with each other. Give chances and don’t ever break promises.
Surprise your partner! Yes, everybody loves surprises. Write a poem if you have never done so and make sure that it’s original and it’s from the bottom of your heart. Again I say honesty is important. Or you can try buy him/her presents on random and put in front his/her doorstep or office. Write a hand-written letter about how much you treasure him/her. Be creative and think of a great surprise.
Don’t forget to frequently remind each other that you love each other. People tend to not really tell each other about how much they love and care for each other after certain times. If you are one of them, it’s time to bring back the old days.
Spend time with each other more often. If you’re busy, don’t forget to text and call. Show your concerns towards each other. Don’t tell me you can’t take a few short seconds to text your loved ones if you can do other things. Go out on days you are not working.Play board games like Monopoly,Uno,or do anything that’s fun. Try something new. Go kite-flying, cycling, ice skating. Anything you can think of instead of always catching the movies and stuffs like that. Be different!
Keep photos of each other. Lots of photos like a few albums and more! So that each time you see the photos, you will have good everlasting memories of each other. And i must repeat, don’t ever think about breakup if you argue. Cool down and come to a conclusion. There’s bound to be a solution for every problem.If your partner gets angry, don’t get all angry too. Why? Because bombs and bombs will cause a huge explosion. It will be another war..! Let your partner cool down first and then talk about it.
Signing off
AyiE
Hey yall people! i knw its been a long time since i updated my blog! been busy with life, literally... Facing loads of problems but finally i think im feeling rather relax now and trying to enjoy my life to the fullest. I realised that i have my FM clans, and also my Kompang friends to pamper me and make me realised how friendly, and approachable kinda person i was. I have been stressed with all my problems and this lead me to neglect all my friends who have been there for me when i need them. Im sorry for all my action but i can assure you i will be the afad or ayie whom you used to know.
Just go easy on me and i can assure you nothing will happen...
Oh ya.. first of all... Im quite Pissed! cause by right... ill be taking my Baju Kurong on the 17th which is tmr! and i was just inform by sis tat i can only collect it on 18th instead! i was like wtf! how can like that! it clashed with my POT LUCK @ ECP! darn it! maner ader time sey nak collect baju, abeh nak masak, then nak kene gi tampinese jumper Candy, Nwrl, Apian and andree.... Aiyo....how arh how??
Secondly, im looking forward for 18th Sept! Frozefm will be having a POT LUCK @ ECP with the dj! Im gonna cook Kway Teow Goreng and bring some cake! Weeeeeee~
Thirdly... After 3 weeks! My rooms are CLEANED!!!! and getting ready for raya... but still sad cause my Baju kurong is not DONE YET!!
Fourth! im still awaiting for my present from my sister!
Fifth, wanna say i enjoyed having iftar with Fadstar and some frozefm Friends!....
Events COming Up:
PS. Still awaiting for 25th September 2009. Muackx
by AyiE | 12:16 AM in | comments (0)
Its the first day of ramadan and god already gave me alot of obstacle.... "sesungguhnya aku berpuasa". I really had a bad day today.... fought with my area manager, shop manager and also some customer.... i keep saying "sesunnguhnya aku berpuasa" to keep my self down and prevent me from having anger cause it will cause sin... if its a sin tat have been made by your own will.... the punishment will be worst then the sin you make by syaitan influence. so yea.... i have a great plan this ramadan.... its a time for me to realise my mistake and ask for forgiveness.... and by malam lailatu qadar, i shud have finish the whole book of the holy quran. I prayed to allah asking for forgiveness, asking to give me to have faith in my self for he have sent a disease for me to live with, asking him to give ar rahman (mercy) on me.... and to be truthfull to all my muslim brother and sis.
Its tickle me knowing that even this month of ramadhan, there are still people who will find fault from one muslim brother.... arent we suppose to do good deeds in this month of ramadhan?? haiz... maybe this is just an obstacle.... ill pray hard so that i can over come this obstacle insya allah....
wal taufiq wal hidaya wasalam.
dzul
In the Qur’an, the times for fasting during Ramadan are clearly set. One must fast from an hour before daybreak until sunset. Since this is the clear direction of the Qur’an, this is how most Muslims observe the 30 days of Ramadan. Usually Muslims who are fasting in observance of Ramadan take a light meal prior to daylight. In the evening they eat again. Part of this ritual fasting is to help take the focus on worldly things so the mind and heart are redirected toward spiritual things. In some ways the month of Ramadan is similar to Rosh Hashanah, because it marks a time of spiritual renewal and commitment toward becoming a better follower of one’s religion. By fasting, and as well abstaining from sexual practice during the day the focus is on renewing one’s commitment to God and to Islam. Not everyone must fast during Ramadan. Women who are pregnant or nursing need not fast. The elderly also may not fast. Children’s ages when they begin the fast differ according the interpretation of the specific Muslim sect. Some mark the age at 10, while others more generally state that the fast should be undertaken by any undergoing puberty. Those who have medical conditions that might be disturbed by fasting are usually not required to fast. Renewing one’s commitment to God is not only solemn but as well celebratory, and a typical evening meal will include sweet treats like dates or candies. The nights of Ramadan are meant to be joyous family times, just as the days are meant to be times of contemplation and additional prayer. Fasting during Ramadan, and breaking the fast at night, called the iftar, is a sacrifice to God. Muslims not only renew their commitment to God but also dwell on those who may through necessity forgo food on a regular basis, such as the poor. Fasting is thought to sanctify a person, but one does not derive spiritual benefit if he or she breaks certain Islamic laws. Hurting someone else, lying, being greedy, falsely testifying against someone, or denouncing someone are very specific sins that are thought to be especially evil during Ramadan. Part of this is based on the Islamic belief that Ramadan is a time when the devils of the world are contained and cannot influence a person to evil. This means committing a sin during Ramadan cannot be excused as demonically influenced. Instead, the person sins without influence and from the heart, which is far worse than sins caused by temptation of devils. The iftar is sometimes mistakenly believed to be a time when people gobble up their food and eat in excess to prepare for fasting the next day. Actually, meals before dawn and after dark should be light. To overeat would represent greed and thus be sinful.
by AyiE | 6:52 AM in | comments (0)
Revolution Flair, its a talent contest... well im not participating it... Hell no.. what talent do i have... but im puting this up because i was the one who design it! LOL... yea im proud of it... well its nt tat good... but at least i try... was just giving a helping hand for a friend of mind whom organise it... LOL... anyway for the past few days, ive been focusing on my work... work... and work.... saving money to rent a house.. LOL... wanna try to feel how its like to be literally independent.... so yea..... anyway im getting promote soon.... yea i knw its tat fast!!! yay me! hahaz, its a job well done for me i guess.... and oh ya.... sis cut my hair yesterday after i accidentally trim it wrongly.... here's her art work.. LOL..
Cool rite!! i knw... mohawk! and guess wat... thanks to her.. many ppl actually compliment on it... and nt to mention... they even touch my head to feel the shaved area.... LOL... haikle say mcm rasa nonok baru abes shave.... wakaka.... well i dunno if its true.... dun even wish to knw... Anyway wira anasir (kompang) have already merge with SPT (Stubborn Paradise Team) which i dun really like cause u knw... cutting are.. erm so the non innocent group... i am innocent u knw.. so yea.... it will be hard for us to recruit new member nw.... anyway this is a Identity card i design for my group...
haha dunno if others like it... so yea.... well i gtg... working in a few hours time.. so yea
signing out...
DAJ
Now I know that I can't make you stay
But where's your heart?
But where's your heart?
But where's your?
And I know there's nothing I could say
To change that part
To change that part
To change
So many bright lights to cast a shadow, but can I speak?
Well, is it hard understanding I'm incomplete?
A life that's so demanding, I get so weak
A love that's so demanding, I can't speak
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you could say can stop me going home
Can you see my eyes are shining bright
?Cause I'm out here on the other side
Of a jet black hotel mirror and I'm so weak
Is it hard understanding I'm incomplete?
A love that's so demanding I get weak
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you could say can stop me going home
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you could say can stop me going home
These bright lights have always blinded me
These bright lights have always blinded me
I say
I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead
(How can I see, I see you lying)
'Cause I see you lying next to me
(How can I see, I see you lying)
With words I thought I'd never speak
(How can I see, I see you lying)
Awake and unafraid
(How can I see, I see you lying)
Asleep or dead!
'Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead!
'Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead!
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead!)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
(Or dead!)
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead!)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
(Or dead!)
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead!)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
The lyrics to the song....
Going back to the corner,
where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag,
I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard
Got your picture in my hand
Saying "if you see this girl can you tell her where I am"
Some try to hand me money
They don't understand,
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense
What else can I do?
How can I move on
when I'm still in love with you?
Cause' if one day you wake up
and find that your missing me
and your heart starts to wonder
where on this earth I could be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here
to the place that we'd meet
Then you'd see me waiting for you
on the corner of the street,
So I'm not moving
I'm not moving
Policeman says "Son you cant stay here"
I say there's someone I'm waiting for if its a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground,
even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind,
this is the first place she will go
Cause' if one day you wake up
and find that your missing me
and your heart starts to wonder
where on this earth I could be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here
to the place that we'd meet
Then you'd see me waiting for you
on the corner of the street,
So I'm not moving
I'm not moving
I'm not moving
I'm not moving
People talk about the guy,
thats waiting in on a girl
Woooaah -oooh
There are no holes in his shoes,
But a big hole in his world
Oooooh
Maybe I'll get famous for the man who can't be moved,
and maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news,
and you'd come running to the corner,
Cause' you'll know its just for you
I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who cant be moved
Cause' if one day you wake up,
and find that your missing me,
and your heart starts to wonder
where on this earth I could be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here
to the place that we'd meet
and you'd see me waiting for you
on the corner of the street
so I'm not moving
I'm not moving
I'm not moving
I'm not moving
(Cause' if one day you wake up,
and find that your missing me,
and your heart starts to wonder
where on this earth I could be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here
to the place that we'd meet
and you'd see me waiting for you
on the corner of the street)
Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag; I'm not gonna move
by AyiE | 12:44 PM in | comments (0)
July 2nd is the day i was born and this year is the first year in my entire life celebrated my birthday with the person whom i really love... thx dear, i really appreciate all the effort that you have put. and also sorry for not updating as all of you shud probably knw, ive already start working full time at some retail outlet.... anyway would like to thank my froze dj and fans who give me a suprise birthday celebration on the 3rd July. anyhoos i was hoping to celebrate my birthday with my july babies boos... Mardy. rasyidi and amran.... but sadly when they go for the outing... i wasnt even invited.... it's been promised to go out together and celebrate as a group but for some reason they celebrated it without me..... well to be honest i am dissapointed but well.. tats life and i cant do anything abt it.... cause some ppl choose who to be their friends and there's always favoritism. or just being bias. July is a mix and match feeling for me... some are happy one... and some are way too upset for me....
Some people say friendship is forever and some simply say friends come and go..... im beginning to think tat friends come and go.... cause their action prove me enough... correct me if im wrong pls.... and also if friends forget about friends, why bother being friends? and its not worth being friends if you cant really treasure your own friends... enough said la.... im not gonna be moody and stuff......
i got work to do later..... and oh ya... i already got 2 compliment from customer! hahaz... well am i good or am i just good...
signing off
AyiE
It has been a tiring and long week for me.... sorry for not updating my blogs cause my schedule is pack. Ever since i start working... my body have been aching... and ive been feeling tired eversince... i dun have the time to meet my friends, and even my own syg.... i really miss him badly... with him having hia ROTA, and NDP training and with me having a full time job trying to secure my financial state.... so yea.... for those of u who are still wondering where am i working at.. i wont be able to tell u soon.. hehe... cause i dun like ppl to disturb me while working or ask for discount... but i really hope someone can come down and have a break with me. cause i will usually eat alone... :( kesian gitu......
anyway i gtg
signing off
Dzul
Dah lama tak berjumpa
Rindu rasa hati
Inginku bertemu denganmu
Biarpun hati ini
Menyatakan benci
Namun hakikat
Kau masihku sayang
Mengapa kita berjumpa
Dan mengapa kita bercinta
Niat hatiku nak kekal lama
Hidup denganmu wahai kasih
Niat hatiku tak nak berpisah
Apakan daya jodoh tiada
Kenangan demi kenangan
Menjelma diingatan
Sukarnya melupakan dirimu
Rintihan demi rintihan
Menyeksakan hidupku
Aku derita... keranamu
Oh kekasih
Sungguh tidakku sangka
Akhirnya begini
Sebuah ikatan asmara
Engkau yang aku sayang
Yang aku kasihi
Mungkinkah bersatu kembali
by AyiE | 11:12 AM in | comments (0)
What happen to "lets go for our honeymoon", Lets rent a house and stay togethere, When i have a car and at night if u are hungry i fetch u for supper.... all those romantic tat suppose to happen wont be happening i guess.... I dont even know what wrong have i done to deserve all this... oh allah swt, i pray to you... i seek rahman and rahim from you. Pls make me stronger...and pls answer my prayer....
I always, out of pure stupidity (and resist to learn the most important lesson in life), put 100% in every relationship that i get into. Altho i tell my self time and again that i need to reserve 20% and only put in 80% in any relationship so that i can rebounce back into perfect shape with that 20%. BUT my emotional self refuses to listen to my inner thoughts. I still offer 100% and i think i will continue to offer that. Nah, I'll offer 99%. 1% to remain alive to start munching on alcohol...
by AyiE | 2:58 AM in | comments (0)
Some 2,500 pink-attired supporters of gay rights gathered in a park in Singapore on Saturday, to form a pink dot, which was photographed from a nearby building."
anyway all of us did enjoy our self there... and our voguelicious friends also came down to perform for this particular event.... coolios.....
here are some picture of us.....
This is NOT a protest nor a parade, just a simple call for open-minded Singaporeans to come together to form a pink dot, of which aerial photographs will be taken. This pink dot is a celebration of diversity and equality, and a symbol of Singapore's more inclusive future.
Venue: The field at Hong Lim ParkDate & Time: May 16 (Sat), 4.30pm
What to wear: Pink (caps, hats, glasses, sunglasses and accessories are recommended)
What to bring: Anyone who supports the freedom of LGBT Singaporeans to love
What to expect: Pink umbrellas will be provided with a donation; the human pink dot will be formed by around 5pm and a photograph will be taken from a vantage point nearby.
To pledge your attendance, please click here
For updates, please join Pink Dot Sg on facebook
For queries, please email pinkdotsg@yahoo.com
This event is 100% legal; no registration is required.
by AyiE | 5:11 AM in | comments (0)
I once told a friend of mine, that life is not perfect if there's no problem in it. In order for it to be perfect, you must face some problem. Cause if there's no problem in life.... then that is not Life. Every life, there lies a problem.... but with every problem there lies a solution cause god is fair.
But its actually up to us as an individual to look for the solution... cause all of us have a choice to make... its either u choose to, or u choose not to. but then again the decision is urs. Being wise is not as easy nor its not impossible..... With the faith of god (if u have one) everything is Possible.
Actually, as i am typing this, im also wondering... why the heck am i wasting time typing all this nonsense! lol.....
Anyway im here to update la.... but i just have no idea what to update.... well.. anyway... im sooo looking forward for this coming 13May.... no its not my bdae... but its the day tat im gonna celebrate with my masyam....We've been together for almost 5mths now and its still holding strong. Though we often fight and have alot of misunderstanding.... we are still holding on. To be honest and truth.... this is the most challenging relationship that im experiencing out of my 8 years of being a homosexuallity.... but there's no way im gonna give up....like what i mention above... "Every life, there lies a problem.... but with every problem there lies a solution cause god is fair." keep moving forward....
Im already thankful and happy with what i have now.... i feel almost complete..... well wat more do i want? hmmm i actually want to make as many friends as possible... in malay there's a phrase "Pergi ke warung membeli makan.... Sesudah makan, pinggan di basoh, Biarlah kita mencari rakan.... janganlah kita membuat musuh"....
i also wanna thank my masyam for being there for me when i need him... also who force me to spurt my problem out and stressing the message to me that he is willing to hear me out... and for that im grateful and lucky to have u as my guy...
well i think i say enough.. cause im kinda lazy to type things out.. so yea.. till then...
signing off
Dzul'Anderlade Junior
haha, would like to congrats zulhelmi hasbi for making thru the 1st round of Audition for Anugerah 2009 that was held at East Point on 2nd May 2009. and also we wish him all the best for the UPCOMING audition...... PONDAN POWER org kate... lol....
