its about time for me to declare tat ive lost in this life. Its getting meaningless every single day, There was once a gentlemen told me tat "There is no obstacles bigger than a man, as god gives us test and hardship for many reasons. but never will he gives us those that are too big for us to overcome. thus we are strong enough to solve and go thru whatever that comes our way." But i wonder if its really true.... if it is... howcome im facing an obstacle tat sumtime can be as big as a mountain... if small problem keep on showing up... and if it stack on each other... sooner or later it will get bigger.... bigger for u to overcome it....

Well im not proud of anything but facing the fact that im dying in 7 years time due to my blood disorder, there are still some ass hole who want to ruin my life by spreading rumours that im HIV+ and have std.

My life is already Ruin and now they are trying to ruin my reputation too???

i cant sleep at night, eat my meals just bcause of this problems cause it get me thinking, what wrong have i done to deserve this treatment!

It easy for ppl to say "Just forget about it" or "dont think to much about it" but its literally difficult to do tat.... cause u might not knw what will this ppl be talking about next.

Im grateful and thankful to all my friends who have been supporting me and giving me the comfort that i need, especially to my lovely masyam.... but im sad to say tat till the case is not settle, ur comfort and support is just not enough to ease my mind.......but i do appreciate it....

well thats not the only problem im facing, another big problems i have is financial wise. I m still looking for Job.... i need money to support my self but recession period simply ruin alot of job opportunity. i dun want my masyam to think tat im treating him like ATM, cause im NOT.... haiz...

Life is simply sux arh.. really....
now my masyam need his own time... and i got no ONe to comfort me.... haiz...

signing off
AyiE

Okie... been a long time since i hang around with my NS friends... those ppl who entertain me throughout the PBOC and SSO courses.... one of them is staying so closed to me but yet we rarely meet up. So since today there's an opportunity for us to meet up... we decided too... just to catch up on some things..... we had our early dinner at long john and then walk all the way to one fullurton starbuck and hang around there...

it was kinda fun.... well suprisingly it does ease my mind....

anyhooos.... im logging off nw
kinda tired... EARTH HOUR IS TMR! DO NOT FORGET TO VOTE FOR EARTH!

signing off
AyiE

Adakah diriku kau tak perlu lagi
Adakah cintaku kau tak perlu lagi
Adakah dirimu dah berubah hati terhadap diriku

Adakah insan lain bertakhta di hatimu
Hinggakan dirimu mengubah cintamu
Manakah janjimu yang kau beri dulu kepada diriku

Kau pernah berkata cintamu adalah selama-lamanya
Bulan menjadi saksi pada malam itu
Kau kata kau cinta

Sayangku dengarlah rintihan hatiku
Ingin kau kembali seperti dahulu
Kenangan di jiwa membuat ku rindu kepada dirimu

Kau pernah berkata cintamu adalah selama-lamanya
Bulan menjadi saksi pada malam itu
Kau kata kau cinta

Kiranya diriku kau tak perlu lagi
Simpanlah kenangan cinta kita di hati
Walaupun sukar, ku akur kali ini
Biarlah ku pergi

Maafkanlah ku bertanya

In support of Earth Hour. iBlog will remain Dark for the next 1 week.
This year, a world global election is taking place, An election between earth and global warming.
Its not about what country you're from but what planet you're from.
Your Light switch is your vote.
We're aiming for 1 Billion vote for earth. Because our planet is worth saving.
Vote earth by simply switching off your light for 1 hour.
and Join the world for Earth Hour.

Saturday March 28, from 8.30pm to 9.30pm

Bring your picnic rug and food basket to enjoy a simple and fun time with us, as we witness the first ever blackout of buildings in Singapore!

Date: 28th March 2009
Time: 5:00pm-9:30pm
Venue: Esplanade Park

5.00pm – Opening of the Green Carnival
5.30pm - Dawn Syndrome Association dance performance, Lila Drums Djembe Project and Miss Earth eco-fashion show among other groups
7.30pm- Concert hosted by Gold 90.5FM DJs and performances by Reverie, Dawn Ho, Michaela Therese & Wynne Sandosham of Soul Circle
8.30pm – Earth Hour countdown and lights off!
Followed by another hour of concert in the dark hosted by Gold 90.5FM DJs!

Free of charge! - No registration required

Earth Hour Event:
Sponsored by SingTel,
In partnership with
Leo Burnett, Microsoft, NParks, Starcom, Weber Shandwick,
Supported by EcoSingapore, Gold 90.5FM and Scouts Association of Singapore.




Earth Hour 2009 by WWF - Sign up for Earth Hour!

haha i just took a quiz and this is all about me... and its rather true... weird... but indeed its the truth....

View on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Ive always wanted to go on a honey moon with my hubby... and guess wat... it gonna come true. This year for the first time i celebrate my birthday, im gonna celebrate it at a resort in batam with my HUBBY as a holiday vacation/honey moon for us! oh gosh, this will be the BEST birthday present im gonna have! well lets not put on hope yet... cause i dunno if the plan will come to reality but hell im excited!!! here's the preview of the resort tat ill be going with my sweet lil brownie.....

Well on the 23rd Feb 2009, out of d blue moon, Brownie plan to go for Ubin trip... well was kinda suprised but oh well, its my kind of thing, adventuring... so why not right.... so we planned to go on 1st march but instead the plan have to be brought forward to 28 feb instead.
So... on the 28feb... WE DID go for the trip to UBIN... lol.. im really AMAZED that brownie plan actually came into reality! nt saying that his plan always failed but.. most of the time i guess... LOL... fickle minded boy! oh well i still love him! LOL....

Anyway went there around afternoon, took the bum boat ($2.50, pay to the boat man) and head towards ubin... it was kinda nice to ride on the bum boat... if only the weather is sunny... cause i was kinda drizzling when were on it...but still i enjoyed it...

so upon reaching Ubin... we took the map and rent a bicycle... well... for safety reason, we took erm a good quality bike.. obviously the rental wud be a lil bit more expensive... $10per bike. cause to me, when come adventuring... safety is always first. so we took the wheeler... wanted to rent the Giant... but to think again.. its only for a day... so yay! we got a bike... it was kinda funny seeing my hubby ride the bike... cause erm the bike is rather big and tall and OBVIOUSLY he is short.... LOL.....

We wonder around the island on our bike and after 3hours of exhausting ride, we headed back to the main land....

we decided to head to home.. to wash up and meet again in the evening for dinner... he was soooo excited cause he thought of bringing me to a Steam boat at Chong Pang which located @ Kallang. so i meet up brownie again at 7.30pm kallang... and we headed to the SO CALL chong pang steam boat... LOL... and when we reach.... to our suprise... the shop was not there... wait... not only the shop... but!!! the BUILDING!! was no longer there.... LOL.... well i can understand if the shop have close down or move.... but not the BUILDING it self... its like... one day u go to dhoby ghaut and thought of going to plaza singapura.... when u reach... the PLAZA SINGAPURA is not there... only flat land.... WEIRD rite? yet hilarious... and u shud see brownie expression he was like... so paiseh... and cute... hehehe... and he ask me where to head now...

so we head to orchard.. taking a cab there and i tell u i cant stop laughing thinking abt a building tat gone missing! lol.....

and oh ya... we head to center point to eat... with CONFIDENT, he claim tat there's a KFC there... cause initally i wanted to eat KFC cause of cheese fries... BUT there WASNT any KFC there.. lol.. so we choose long John instead... so yea... tats abt it.. so after we ate... we meet up with alfian and wan... and lepak at SMU.... and god.. by then im feeling soooooo LETHARGIC.... hahaz... so we headed home... taking the night rider.... oh well tat's about it.... the rest i leave it up to the pic for explanation.. afterall picture says a thousand words...

signing off AyiE.

i knw i haven been updating my blog... so now im trying to. lol... but the question is... whats there for me to update?? WELL ever since i started working... my life will be erm... very.... boring.... MONDAY TO FRIDAY, work from 10am to 3pm. then go home, check my mail, online msn and wait till masyam go back home, cam with him, talk to him on phone and off to bed.... LOL... boring i knw.... but i did have some fun on the weekend, by going to mum hse or even meet up with my masyam! erm....well i guess tats all for NOW... erm below are some pic for u to view... lol....

Gift for my masyam, on our 2nd mth anniversary cum valentine

Karaoke with my sis and her boi @ my mum hse... LOL... and lastly... tanning with my masyam! hehe....

signing off
AyiE

The last of FABULOUS....
Coming up next.... SUPERSTAR SUNDAY! @ ZIRCA!
the only EVENT @ ZIRCA that allow 18 and above to attend!

Heya ppl! haha, gawd i knw its been along time since i updated my blog and been receiving alot of complaint from some of my reader... asking me to update my blog.. lol.. okie here's an update for u then! ive been feeling happy and sad for the past few days, also got my self a new job and my masyam have been there for me when i need! hahaz

anyway, went out with masyam and friends yesterday... an outing @ sentosa! lol... was hoping to get sun tanned, but the sun never show up... lol.... u knw wat i mean... so we just laze around, play frisbee or knwn as flying saucer to masyam.. LOL... and mandi laut!.... was quite exhausted though.. lol... anyway im still tired and later on going st james! hahaz... well gtg...

signing off
AyiE

Visited bie yesterday, gawd.. i felt pity by just looking at him...but im happy for my self cause i make the effort and time just to visit him... and also got the chance to see his mom... hehee... bie, i hope u recover very soon aite.... well he gonna be discharged in like a few hours time and hope he will have enough rest....

4 more days to 13, counting down.....

luv u bie! Muackx....

signing off
AyiE

in 2 hours time... my syg will be going through his operation, i shall pray for him for the best. i luv u bie... muacks...

signing off
AyiE

I... am a cancerian... and this is the defination of cancer...

the sign Cancer is symbolized by the Crab.
Your sign's element is Water. Cancer is ruled by the moon
You are emotional, intuitive, sympathetic and moody. You enjoy shopping and visiting with friends. Cancer is sentimental, sensitive, and needs to have a sense of security. Cancer may be interested in politics even if it's only on the local level. You tend to over protect what is yours. Cancer is intensely romantic and has a vivid imagination. Your home and family are very important to you.
Possible negative aspects of the sign Cancer:
You can be cruel, grasping, weak, possessive, domineering, timid, lazy and tend toward brooding and cynicism.

My bf is a libra.... and this is libra defination.
The sign Libra is symbolized by the balanced Scales.
Your sign's element is Air. Libra is ruled by the planet Venus
You are naturally refined and neat. Libra has a strong sense of good taste and a desire for peace. Attractive surroundings are necessary for peace of mind. Libra is very fair and just and tries to maintain a proper balance. Libra is artistic, musical, level headed, sympathetic, perceptive and generous. Manners and other niceties are important to Libra. You have a strong need to share with others.
Possible negative aspects of the sign Libra:
You can be gossipy, critical, and bitter. You like to pry into other peoples affairs, and you can be very moody at times...

lol... signing off
AyiE

Ok... ive been a good boy lately by staying at home.. but HEY am always good rite? (watever eh ayie) Im jobless and been trying my best to seek for job but luck is always not on my side. Well i need money to support my self as everyone knws, im not supported by my parents execpt my brownie... but then honestly, i feel guilty for letting him tanggung my financial.. so things have to change... i gotta work to support my self, i cant always depend on him and i shall not take advantage of him. And also... im rather worried for him... well going ops on thursday and up till date, he is still not feeling well... haiz... rashes la, batok la, flu la...

bie.. pls take care of ur self...

anyway i miss those days where u will sms me before u mkn, sms me when u reach home, sms me asking if im alright and sms me good morning greetings... where have all those days gone? im not saying anything ... i just miss it....

and last night due to my lung infection... i gt difficulties in breathing sia... feel like asking sumone to shaft a blower in my lung and blow air so that my lung can be filled... LOL..and my chest was so painful like as if ive been shot by taurus 85 .38caliber revolver! yea... haiz.... get well soon ayie (am saying this to my self cause nobody is saying it to me) and get well soon syg and all the best for the ops..... Muackx... luv u soo much.... i knw u knw that....

signing off
AyiE

If it didn't bring you joy
just leave it behind
Let's ring in the new year
with good things in mind

Let every bad memory
that brought heartache and pain
And let's turn a new leaf
with the smell of new rain

Let's forget past mistakes
making amends for this year
Posting you these greetings
to bring you hope and cheers...

Happy new Year.....

New year celebration with brownie was a blast! honestly I didnt expect my lil brownie to ask me out even though ive been hoping for it... lol... anyway watch fireworks with brownie and friends at the esplanade.... and im telling you, the crowd management there is totally sux to the core.. almost pick a fight with the certis cisco police officer... our belonging and friends are at esplanade and this stupid officer refuse to let us enter esplanade premises... wtf right? lol... and after the fire work... meet up with brownie tarian member.... they are fun! i like hanging out with them... lol.... make me laugh till my ball goes to my throat to shut me off.... lol... anyway my latest resolution for this year is to make this year better then any other past year.... and i start my new year with a happy one... and i hope it shall remain for the remaining years....

Happy new year to my brownie and readers..

and i love u loads my brownie... and thanks....



Here's the video of the firework.. god u can hear brownie saying happy new year no. of times... let us watch and count how many times he say happy new year... LOL...


signing off
AyiE

Another year, another chance
To start our lives anew;
This time we’ll leap old barriers
To have a real breakthrough.

We’ll take one little step
And then we’ll take one more,
Our unlimited potential
We’ll totally explore.

We’ll show off all our talents
Everyone will be inspired;
(Hmm…while I’m writing this,
I’m getting very tired.)

We’ll give up all bad habits;
We’ll read and learn a lot,
All our goals will be accomplished,
Sigh...or maybe not.

Its a mistake ive made that i'll never forgive my self, new year is here and i am really hoping to start everything a new.... ive made a mistake to my brownie and i've ask for forgiveness but up till now, i feel so different... i dun feel the same as how u treated me last time. you may have lost ur trust in me, u may found someone new... but u wud be still the same brownie that i once knew.

It will be a great loss for me if i were to lose u, is like a body without a soul... but for the sake of love, i shall respect the decision you have make if you have.

i find it useless crying every single night... but i just cant help it. everytime i look at the pic of us having fun for the past 2 weeks, i cant help it but to cry. Was hoping to celebrate the new year with you but it seems you have made ur plan and i shall respect it.

Everynight is a sleepless night, doing tonnes of reflection... shed gallons of tears... killing more brain cell as i think back on the mistakes that ive done to you.

I really love you bie, if i had one wish, i wud turn back in time to stop this. its killing me.

wish u a great new year dear.

anyway went to check up on the 29 of decemember and the result was bad. but who cares anyway if i were to die soon? im willing to sacrifies my 8 years spending time with brownie instead of alone... but i dun think god will grant me tat wish since things happen. but haiz... i will still live it up to the fullest... Doctor says im having a lung infection and years go by, i may have others organ failure till the day i die as my blood disorderness continue. like i say, who wud cares? My dad who hates me? My sister who supports my dad? my mum who only thinks of drugs? i dunno... i dun even knw if anyone out there stil care for me.... i dunno....

anyway as im posting this blog post i sheding more tears... dah bengkak pon mater... so i gtg..

signing off
AyiE

Here's the latest update... christmas party at Gabby o is Cool... haha.. god i was drunk.. LOL..
well more pic coming up....

signing off
AyiE...

LOVE MY BROWNIE VERY MUCH...

Haiz... im sooo nt in the mood for everthing la.... am pissed....

signing off
AyiE

"Don't let go, keep holding on.
Don't say no, This isn't wrong.

I need you, and I can't forget.
This feeling that you make me get.

Maybe I should let go, and say good-bye.
But, we have a chance, there's no reason why.

Do you love me too? Or is it just a line?
A line to choke down with sour red wine?

The taste of your warm lips, crashing down on mine.
As our hearts and bodies intertwine.

They say you aren't right, but that's my choice.
They can't make up my mind, they can't take my voice.

So, I ask you now, I've made up my mind.
Do you promise and swear to always be mine?"

Yesterday was an enjoyable yet memorable day for me and brownie.. hehe.. gawd everyday is a new day and exciting day.... making me feel very anxious the moment i open my eye from my beauty sleep.... My lil brownie is still not feeling well and im rather worried for him... brought him to TTSH yesterday and the doc says he have a throat infection and gave him loads of medication... ah amik ko obat... lol... and after tat went to makan at marina food loaf...

and u knw what.. nvr in my life i appreciated a guy sooo much like my lil brownie and there will be no way that im gonna take advantage of him... for he have help me alot... i can say tat he is a true guy tat ive been searching all this while.... cause he met all the requirement tat i have in guy.. lol... only thing is tat his puntuality... i can tell u... haiz hancur! ello bie.. i waited for u like 1hour 15min yesterday can? hahaz... but understand... org sakit kan... so tak leh di salah kan...

saturday going out again with brownie! weee.... and god knws where were heading to... always impromtu plan... lol....

k la... i guess i gtg.... to my readers... i knw i sound mushy on every sentence on my blog.. but i cant help it.... im deeply in love with my brownie

and as for my brownie..... ur sweet so pls take care of ur self and get well soon bie...

signing off
AyiE.....